Story 17 is one of those lessons that stings every time I think about it. Before I get into it, I want to give you the lessons I got from this experience:

- Honoring and valuing ourselves signals to others how they should honor and value us

- Playing small is a form of self betrayal

Back to the story, imagine a time you sacrificed and worked hard for something. Maybe it was first chair in the band, or lead in the debate club. For me it was being a starter on the High School Varsity Baseball team. I was not athletically gifted, I had some natural speed cuz I was a skinny kid but beyond that I had to put in a ton of work. I fell in love with baseball because I found so many friends through being on a team. At first I only played the game because I got to hang out with my buddies. Eventually baseball became my sanctuary, it was the place I could escape from my insecurities and fears. It was one of the very few things that I could count on, no matter what baseball was there for me. 

Over time and hundreds maybe thousands of reps I got better. Slipped into the varsity team my freshman year and a starting spot in the outfield my sophomore year. Truth be told I was in love with the idea of making varsity. There was a huge helping of status that came with that and I allowed this status to blur my focus. So much so when asked to give up my starting position, to the senior I beat. I did, I gave it up. I reconciled this decision with "at least Im on Varsity" "its whats best for the team" "Im gonna be the bigger person"

I opted to ride the bench and that action is one the few decisions I wish I could do over. My friends couldnt believe I did it. I tried to convince them that it was no big deal, but I knew how big a deal it was. I knew the emptiness i felt inside, I knew no matter what anyone said I had just performed the greatest betrayal. I let entitlement win. By letting that senior "cut in front of me" I also let him cut in front of everyone behind me. I showed everyone it was ok to push me aside. I settled for the situation that would gain me the most favor. 

But guess what, it cost me what I needed most. It cost me belief in myself. 

Ive since recovered (mostly😉) and know that there are many of us that take a back seat, give way to those that havent earned it. And we try to tell ourselves we are the bigger person. 

But thats not enough! you need to know there are tons of people behind you, tons of people that look up to you and when you play small you show them that courage is just a word you like to say every now and then.